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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
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10:57 am - how strange...
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my inbox has been strangely empty lately. no comments, no emails.
I feel like I have done something insanely wrong to people and no one is telling me what or why.
I feel like I have been left out of a really cool party, and the door has been locked.
I miss my LJ, I miss my wacky LJ friends. I miss being a squealing fan girl. I miss iconses, I miss layouts...etc etc.
So, now that someone has given me a lj code. A new journal will be started. Yeah, I know I know. What a PAIN in the ass. Well you don't have to follow me or friend me :) Ish okay. But I hope some of you come along.
EDIT: the new journal will be at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) hogwarts_hobbit
current music: The Deal - Cinnamon Square
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, November 7th, 2003
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11:31 pm - Letting it all hang "out"
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What I am about to say, is not going to really be a surprise to many of you. So save the "yeah I knew it, or yeah I know" comments for someone who gives a shit.
This has been on my mind lately, and I just want to talk about it. I guess you could call this a "coming out" of sorts.
The problem I am having with this, is that there is no solid place I can show you. There is no pretty FAQ I can point to, so that maybe you can be less confused about the whole thing. People all over the universe seem to split about throwing this word around. Some people say I don't belong at all, some say I do.
And they can all kiss my ass, because I am going to say this whether they like it or not.
I am asexual
As I said, no surprise to most, but to those of you just joining us in the program let me break this down for you as best I can at 11pm being really tired.
Let't start with what this does mean: This means the my sex drive is incredibly low. I have had it (sex), I have even had it recently. It has been good, it has been bad, it has been fantastic. However I could die a happy person if I never have it again. It means that when I look to be with someone, I crave a more emotional setting, I crave non-sexual affection. (yes kids it does happen)
Now, before you start walking away in droves, why don't we talk about what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean I am broken. Well sure in someways I am broken, but sexualy I am not broken. I was not sexually abused as a child. I am not a frigid woman who hates men. It doesn't mean I find sex vile and disgusting. (I find it boring and useless) It does not mean that I don't like people. I will admit that I would prefer to spend 95% of my time completely alone, but I am not a total hermit. I am not emotionally devoid. In fact as you all know I am a very hyper emotional person. (It's the writer in me what can I say)
All of this doesn't mean I am going to run out and join communities, and raise a flag. I am not going to rally, or wear a button or a triangle. I just needed it to be publically known. I needed to get it out in the open, this is a very big part of the me that I am starting to feel comfortable with.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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12:09 am - The good, the bad, the word count.
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I thought I should post something here, so some people don't think I have fallen off the face of the planet.
Things have been busy over here at Camp Aden. Really only busy with the whole novel in a month deal. I am happy to report that I have finally hit the 10k mark. I have never, this being my third year, gotten this far before. I am excited, and I am really enjoying the novel as it stands. And I have to take a moment to pimp DJ Lex over at live365. He has been playing some great stuff lately, and I listen to his station the most when I am writing.
Speaking of music. One of my all time favorite bands, Suede is breaking up. Time to do individual work it seems. Everyone has to do what they need to do, but it still makes me sad.
Oh and before I forget. I think it is safe to say, I really am a Texan now. It is currently 48 degrees outside, and I feel like it is 30 below. I think I uttered "it's freezing!" three times tonight.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
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2:40 pm - the brit pop singer look is back
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1:03 am - Stream of Consciousness Manifesto
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I am not your one trick pony.
I am not your colourfull footnote.
I am not going to post a Friday Five because you crave trivial knowledge about my life.
I am not going to worry about who I am pissing off, who I am hurting or who I am boring. The justification of my exsistance on this planet does not stem from the fact that you left me a comment today about my novel wordcount.
I am not going to mold my writing around what the NY Times says is a best seller. I am not going to write stories that will appeal to the bored housewife masses. I don't spin yarns, there are plenty of talented (and talentless) people that do it for you already.
I am not going to mold my life around what society deems as normal,and fitting for my age bracket, my demographic. I am not a demographic, I am not a piece of census information.
I am beautiful. In fact, I am down right stunning. (and I mean it) I am not going to ruin my life doing things to change myself to make the rest of the world realize it too, and make myself miserable in the process.
I have faults. I have cracks in my china, stains on my persian rug. Sometimes I point them out to everyone. I will forever realize that I am not perfect.
I will not take myself seriously, but I will act like an adult when the need arises. I will never grow up and I will never apologize for that fact.
I am done apologizing, I am done feeling guilty. I will take responsibilty for my actions, but I will not do actions to please others.
I will not be your trophy friend, I will not be the token fat girl at the bar. I will not hang out with you to make you feel prettier, or smarter.
I will do monumental things. I will achieve greatness. Even if only I see it.
I will not put my life on hold, I will not wait around by the phone.
I will realize that *MY* world revolves around me, and the rest of it can go on without me. (but it would sure be boring)
I will purge the trash from my life, both physically, personally and emotionally.
I will do a lot of growing, and will be prone to getting big for my britches before remembering to move the button over.
You don't have to be around for this. You can leave at anytime. You have signed no contract. You have made no promises. You don't have to deal with this. You are not allowed to make me feel like less of a person for any of the above that I do or do not do.
You didn't even have to read this
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 30th, 2003
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8:08 pm - I won't go getting tired of you
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Before I pull on my headphones, and listen to "War of the Worlds" I just thought I would post here and say hello.
Hello..
I bought a CD today, something I haven't done in awhile. I got the Foo Fighers "One by One" I am really glad I got it, jesus I didn't realize how much I really loved them. (I have never heard a song yet I hated) Now I want all of their music. Right from the start.
It is going to be really hard to turn this cd off to listen to Orson...
Well okay, perhaps not *that* hard.
current music: Foo Fighters - Tired of You
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
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10:49 am - trick or treat
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| Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
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5:00 pm - no more chatting for Aden
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I am lazy and not getting shit done.
My conviction has been sitting outside on a far too extended smoke break. I can't seem to remember to let it in, because I am far too distracted. I am going to start eliminating these distractions so that I can possibly get some work done.
Lest anyone, including myself, forget I am a writer.
Kind of hard to tell with the lack of writing I have acutally done in the last month. And I have things on my docket. I have NanoWrimo in November. I have a play to finish, I have at least four projects collecting dust, and a dozen more in my head that need to get out.
So what does all this babbling mean?
What am I eliminating?
My internet communication.
No more AIM
No more MSN
No more IRC.
If you want to talk to me for any reason, you will just have to fire up ye old email client and type me a few words. I will be checking my email at least twice a day, since work related things happen in my email.
Don't like it?
Sorry tough shit for you. This is something I really need to do, this is for me. I am being selfish, because it is about time I start thinking about me and where my life needs to go.
so...if you need me..you can find me here
kaosu_fusion@yahoo.com
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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2:20 pm
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Oh yeah, I remember I said I was back. Just thought I would post here to clear out the cobwebs, plus I have a little "shouting out" (isn't that what the kids these days call it?) to do.
First, I did something rash and fan girly today. I bought the Aragorn ROTK poster. I just had to check the poster rack at Walmart. I haven't hung it up yet, still trying to decide where I should put it.
My Halloween costume is now complete. I am going to be an angel. Yeah, not really original but it was cheap, I needed something to wear to work, and my co-worker is going to dress as a devil. Work be damned, I am going to have fun this year.
( Now, for that shouting out... )
current mood: fan girly
current music: Chemical Brothers
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
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10:51 pm - there is just something...
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I am not 100% sure why I am back but I am. At least for the time being.
I cannot 100% assure the posting quality or amount as before, but I can tell you that I will post.
Sometimes you just have to not worry about being 100%, and do what feels right.
current mood: empty
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